Winstead Hill (or how my body was harvested by parasites)

Whom ever writes these historical paragraphs is in dire need of a proof reader who's at least 30 years or younger. Did you catch the sentence that could be misinterpreted? Please tell me what sounds weird in the following sentence...

"Hood almost succeeded in getting into Schofield's rear at Spring Hill but due to the miscarriage of orders, Schofield escaped..."

"Getting into the rear" and "miscarriage" should not be used in the same sentence... ever.

After learning about Hood's failed rear entry of Gen. Schofield. Cam and I walked up a path going towards the top of Winstead Hill. The path got a bit boring so I took the path less traveled by. Cam doubled back and found his way to Schofield's rear. I on the other hand found myself on a path that was never traveled by anyone. 10 minutes, 2 ticks and 1 bleeding leg later I got out of the woods and back to where we started.

I look pretty pumped in this picture, but I assure you that I am far from pumped. I was itchy, hot, bleeding, and completely unaware that there was a 3rd tick on me. I just wanted to show off my chest hair.